It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
