He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
BRING THE BAGELS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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