Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
