What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
