Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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