I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
