i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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