So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I supernannyed him into submission
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
