:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
