No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
