You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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