arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
