Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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