I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have demons in me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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