People with herpes should wear stickers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Blood and glitter go together right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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