I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
