I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
