you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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