he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
