I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You have to summon your inner elephant
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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