Your mouth is God's brothel.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
