If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.