and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?