Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
