someone threw a dead crab at me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."