She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am