Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
