...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
