College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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