Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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