I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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