I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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