Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
