i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
