dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
