There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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