party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
