went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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