Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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