Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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