You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.