ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

  Fav 6 3125 919

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

  Fav 30 1247 4057

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

  Fav 18 1843 5216

  share tweet
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

  Fav 23 2278 5715

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls

  Fav 9 1595 3113

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?

  Fav 6 4061 1430

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland

  Fav 7 1948 1329

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

  Fav 2 1486 846

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

  Fav 9 2882 983

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home

  Fav 4 842 1442

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

  Fav 3 1859 637

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (650): View more from California

  Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.

  Fav 2 852 557

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.

  Fav 2 355 455

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.

  Fav 1 298 397

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.

  Fav 0 129 84

  share tweet
  

Randomize