Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death

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  (312): office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death http://tfl.nu/9uva
  Replies (5) Good night (1066) Bad night (1455)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

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  (608): and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet. http://tfl.nu/bxi6
  Replies (22) Good night (713) Bad night (2111)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.

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  (617): Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/0aty
  Replies (10) Good night (967) Bad night (2149)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.

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  (407): I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin. http://tfl.nu/suvt
  Replies (9) Good night (1834) Bad night (903)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.

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  (231): using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/yfpy
  Replies (8) Good night (788) Bad night (2133)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

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  (443): Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever? (1-443): A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month. http://tfl.nu/w6z0
  Replies (17) Good night (1378) Bad night (787)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (4190) Bad night (841)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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  (+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety http://tfl.nu/7rit
  Replies (9) Good night (2736) Bad night (618)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!

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  (570): Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week! http://tfl.nu/bw5p
  Replies (11) Good night (2177) Bad night (625)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1747) Bad night (502)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  "just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.

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  (651): "just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk. http://tfl.nu/ji17
  Replies (6) Good night (1009) Bad night (512)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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  (757): You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part. http://tfl.nu/w83y
  Replies (4) Good night (782) Bad night (360)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.

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  (316): I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas. http://tfl.nu/msox
  Replies (0) Good night (639) Bad night (330)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone

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  (585): Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone http://tfl.nu/e7f7
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (312)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.

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  (248): They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror. http://tfl.nu/3vjx
  Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (408)

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