He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard