You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life