well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.