did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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