He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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