After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
