Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
