Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
