What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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