watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
