The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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