LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
