I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
