so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
