So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize