i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
