Can Purell be used as lube?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
