have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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