K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
