I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
