I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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