He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
