what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
