don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
