Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
