I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
