I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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