my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
