i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
