omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize