two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
