If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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