that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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