I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
