am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
