you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
