Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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