After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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