Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize