She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
