Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i came on her dog
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
