i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
3pm strippers are depressing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
