i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize