He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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