ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
