Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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