I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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