There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
